Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar and wait for your fire to fall upon my heart.” (Psalm 5:1-3)
There is a before and there is an after in my life. A demarcation point if you like. In the before I lifted up my voice in worship, drawing near to God and putting my prayer before Him. The song King of my Heart became the soundtrack for this season of waiting and pressing into God for His answer and provision. Declaring that He was the anchor in my life. Declaring that He is good and that He will never let me down.
But the time came and the prayer was left unanswered. Grief was had, pain felt. On my return to church that song that so ministered, King of my Heart was sung. And for me there hung heavy in the air the question as to whether I could still sing it and mean it. That I could sing that God is my anchor. That I could still declare that God is good and will never let me down. To worship despite the outcome, despite the circumstances. To still declare that God is the King of my heart.
I chose yes. And then I sang, but this time in worship with the mystery of the unanswered prayer.
Sometimes in life we are left with mysteries in God. Unanswered prayer, someone not healed. But because God is good and kind we can trust Him with that mystery and still seek His face and worship Him. As Bill Johnson wrote sometimes victory is “measured in the fact that after disappointment and loss we set our hearts to seek His face again.”
There’s something to be said on this side of eternity being able to worship God. To worship and give Him praise and honour in a fallen world when we are hurting. This is a true sacrifice of praise. For one day we will all be in eternity worshipping – pain and grief will be no more, and we will never have the opportunity to bring Him praise through our pain.
Let the King of my heart
Be the mountain where I run
The fountain I drink from
Oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the shadow where I hide
The ransom for my life
Oh, He is my song
You are good, good, oh
You are good, good, oh
Let the King of my heart
Be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the fire inside my veins
The echo of my days
Oh, He is my song
You’re never gonna let
Never gonna let me down
When the night is holding on to me
God is holding on
Blue Skies & Lollipops 
Well – I cried because I understand the heart of it. Mxx. Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless His Holy Name. Mx😘
Oh didn’t mean to make you cry, but felt it was an important moment to capture and write about hard though it was. Am doing good! Xx
Good word. The closer we get to the Lord it seems the less we understand, yet the more we trust him.